From the “Miss Koco Does Korea” blog, we’d like to pass along a couple burning questions about Korean shoe fashion:

Why do Korean women turn high heels into flip-flops? 왜 항상 하이힐 샌들을 슬리퍼로 만드는가?

Indeed, how does one wear footsies with sandals and get away with it? 진짜 이렇게 신어도 되는가?

FMS will add another to the list. 또 하나 있는데…

When does a fashion trend actually die? 도대체 언제 어떤 유행이 죽는가?

진짜. 그만이야. Let this fashion die, already! ㅋㅋㅋ.

봄이 거의 다 됐으니까 미리 패션 예보해드리고 싶었죠. 공식적으로 이 sports sock는 금지라고 공표합니다! 진짜…제발…그만이야, 언니들아!!! (ㅋㅋ)

Spring is almost here, and the fashion has started to change once again, along with the season. So we at FMS officially declare these “sports socks” off-limits. Please…let this fashion die a good death!

And the open-toed pumps with the socks? Yikes!

EE-OO! EE-OO!

“Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Fashion police being dispatched to apprehend pre-meditated fashion felony! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!”

I was walking down the street today when I spied the most disturbing thing I’d seen in nearly all my time spent in Korea. It caused me great emotional suffering and scarring, and will remain in my memory for the remainder of my days. Oh, the horror! The humanity! The…socks!

BEHOLD!!!

Lawwwwwd, I pray you help this lamb, who has obviously strayed so far from the herd that she is lost and in need of guidance. Send low a sweet chariot to come forth and carry this young lady home.

Now that all that’s positive to say about such an offense as this has been officially said, I just have to add that unless this girl’s mentally retarded, – sorry, but there’s no excuse save that one – there’s no reason for her to be wearing those socks and…green sandals? Huh?!

Lawwd, have mercy! Are those green butterflies on her sandals? Whew.

***SHUDDER***

Since she didn’t seem to be mentally incapacitated in any way, and apparently is an adult and made the conscious decision to wear what she’s wearing, she must accept full responsibility for her actions.

But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t deserve help. If you see this woman, ya’ll need to act on the spot. Intervene. Do your civic duty. Point this lamb back in the general direction of fashion sense and sanity.

Maybe she’s beyond help?

EE-OO! EE-OO!

“Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Fashion police being dispatched to apprehend ludicrous color choices involving opqaue stockings and pumps! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!”

Uh. Mah. Gawd.

Don’t even get me started.

This is a major felony violation of fashion laws, with aggravated felony assault of 80’s fashion.

OK. The Irene Cara, dance-school-top-slouching-down-over-one-shoulder thing is kinda back. If that’s what you want to do, then technically…it’s…not – I can’t believe I’m even saying this – a…crime.

But black, opaque tights with GOLD, OPEN-TOED SHOES!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

I was walking in the opposite direction when I spied this young lady sashaying past me, as if she were Princess Di herself, resurrected and given hips.

Do I even need to go into detail here as to how wrong this is? Do I need to talk about no TIGHTS with open-toed shoes or talk about the obvious color clash here?

Uh. Mah. Gawd.

한심하다. 휴.

EE-OO! EE-OO!

“Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Fashion police being dispatched to stop “stockings and sandals” felony violation! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!”

I, of course, realize that Korea and the US are different countries and that habits and customs differ. I also realize that even the oldest, most traditional of fashion rules are meant to be broken sometimes. In the States, traditionally, you are not to wear white shoes after Labor Day (the first Monday of September), since that officially marks the beginning of the fall season. But depending on where you live, your type of fashion, and new fashion trends, such a rule is starting to seem more and more outdated. If you live in LA, what’s the difference between spring, summer, fall, and winter?

Yet, there still are some rules that should be followed, as they exist for a reason. Not wearing stockings with open-toed shoes or sandals is one of them. This Fashion Law exists not only for the protection of society from Fashion Crimes, but to protect the wearer from social ridicule and exile.

Let me put it in clear and simple terms: it looks bad. Very bad.

Let’s talk function first. They’re sandals. Or open-toed shoes. They’re supposed to be cool, they’re supposed to show what has previously been hidden, they are meant to highlight parts of the foot that weren’t seen. If they weren’t meant to be fashionable, pretty, or sexy – then you’d just be wearing a beach flip-flops or ugly Teva sandals. But you’re not.

You’re wearing those beautiful shoes with a dress, a miniskirt, some really fashionable pants. To cover up with pantyhose is something your grandma would do – who wants to see Nana’s feet? – and totally clashes with and defeats the purpose of wearing those saucy, bare mules or show-all, sexy, summer sandals.

It’s like wearing a bikini over a t-shirt. Bikinis are meant to show. If you don’t want to show, you don’t wear a bikini, right? And if you actually go through the effort to get a pedicure – sort of like going to the tanning salon right before putting on the bikini – why in the name of Creation would you put panty hose over that?

And sometimes, certain people don’t wear certain things. As a man, I don’t wear tank-top muscle shirts, nor do I wear fitted suits that taper towards the waist. Why not? Because I have a belly, so what looked good on Brad Pitt or George Clooney in Ocean’s Eleven won’t look good on me.

So, let’s be logical while being honest. If you have copy paper-pale skin, or varicose veins, or radish legs, or are covered in mosquito-bite scars, stockings are not the solution. They are sooooo 낙원시장 ajumma. So much. They look worse than any of those conditions I just mentioned.

To my pale Korean sisters concerned about reflecting the sun into the eyes of your dates with your Chunhyang-white legs and blinding them forever, or the varicose veins that make you feel really self-conscious – there are solutions. And again, pantyhose is a worse thing than just going bare, no matter what your complex or problem may be:
– How about trying some tanning cream or oil? It works wonders by a) evening out your skin tone, and b) by staying in for a few days before fading.

– You could also try getting a real bed in a tanning salon, although this is more expensive than the previous option. But if you don’t want the wear-and-tear on your skin, or if you want to keep your skin pale, you can…
– Obtain some “Air Stocking” spray – that stuff’s possibly the best option, since it a) comes right off in the shower, and b) gives you the coverage power of stocking, but they don’t look like stockings. Your legs will look wonderful, and everyone will wonder how you did it.

Anyway, control-top stockings that make you slide around in your shoes and you look like a person with no fashion sense (pssst, girls – most of the real fashionable women inKorea find this 촌스러워, too – so if you truly didn’t know before, now you do).

If you have 무다리 or “radish legs”, then stockings will only make you draw more attention to that fact, because of its being so darn 촌스러워. You can’t hide it – you have the legs you have, and no stocking are going to make you look like Hyori. So what you do? Adapt.

Remember “thick” girl? Let me remind you.

Yes, sista’s got thick legs. But you know what? She’s also got “attitude.” She has confidence, because she made it for herself. She also is armed with smart fashion sense, even if she needs to fully put on her shoes.

Notice that she isn’t wearing some silly mini-skirt up to her upper thighs. If she did, her legs would look shorter, because she’d be exposing more of the legs that most people see as “too thick.” Keeping more of her midsection under clothes reduces that, while reducing the amount of “too thick” that is exposed.
That’s why a longer skirt – preferably one that hugs your hips and shows the shape of your legs (remember that the outline of your body isn’t the “problem” – it’s the width of the legs, which you can’t see under the skirt) or a pair of crop pants with some high heels is a great idea.
If you look at the pictures below, you can see how cutting off at the point right above the calf can be a good thing, allowing the high heels to make the leg look thinner by 1) actually making it thinner because the foot is arched and the front muscles in the shin are stretched out and thinner, with the calf also being raised and flexed, and 2) the higher heels makes the horizontal surface area of your foot smaller, making the entire leg-to-foot image appear more tapered, taking advantage of the curves you do have.

In fact, depending on the person, a girl with a thicker leg can benefit from high heels much more than a skinny girl with no shape, since on the skinny girl, the effect can just come across as making her look weak, silly, or even “slutty.” On a thicker girl, the effect has more possiblity of coming off as “voluptuous” or simply “curvy.”

Or you can use the opposite philosophy – show your confidence and just be sexy – because if you believe you are, you are. I’ve seen a lot of thicker girls who leave a strong impression because they have a sexy “air” about them. And a pair of 10-12 cm high heels sure helps the legs not only look longer and thinner, but they give a special kind of confidence as well – sort of like when even a round man puts on a custom-made Gucci suit. You look better, you feel better, and your behavior and “air” of confidence follows – which completes the cycle by actually making you look better, etc.
Anyway, the effect is far better than looking worse and more 촌스러워 by wearing horrible panty hose and looking ridiculous in your sandals. You’re worried about your legs looking like radishes, but you’re actually hurting yourself more by repeating the same fashion as the 65-year-old halmeoni working in the market, who wears knee-high gray stockings with her granny sandals? It’s not the same thing, but it’s the same effect. Don’t do it.

Ewww. Is that attractive?

Still don’t want to trust in my advice? Still think that having thick legs means you’re doomed forever? In the end, it’s all in your mind. Get a sharp and sexy pedicure, some high heels and attitude, and go either extra high with the skirt (with higher heels) or extra low (also with higher heels). Yes, though – I know some of you still don’t believe me. So let me give a final example, from a girl who could reasonably be said to have “thick” legs, at least by Korean standards.

So she ain’t cute? I just wanted to show you this “before and after” effect, with this larger girl, and cutting off her shoes so you can see that yes, from some angles, she looks she has a little “무 in her shoe.” But she also had a bright and sexy demeanor and a quick, confident walk – every man she passed took notice. I took notice from all the way across the street, walking in the opposite direction.

Compare that unfairly cropped picture above to the the ones that follow, of her in action, of her trying to find her date on the phone, of her being the very spirit of Sex in the City.

She’s wearing a baggy-yet-sporty shirt that de-emphasizes her top half, while putting on a short skirt and killer 9 cm heels with an angle strap that raises the heat level of her legs and overall image to smoking. Those shoes she has are simply red-hot, and she knows it. She’s not walking around feeling embarrassed or sorry for herself for being a bigger girl, for not looking like some star on TV who only eats 3 times per week, who isn’t a “real” person, anyway.

She works with what she has and is simply happy to believe she’s sexy, which then makes it true. How’s this?

In a different picture, from a different angle, she looks totally different, no? It also helps to know how to stand, know how to maintain poise, to simply be the personality you want to be. And if you’re going to try for a “fantasy aesthetic”, why not try the original “hostess with the mostess” – Betty Page? She’s from a time when women in America were more real women: larger, fuller, healthier than the ideal you see nowadays in fashion magazines. And she had big legs – she also wore 6-inch heels. She was simply – amazing.

(Click to enlarge)

It may not look like it, but imagine Ms. Page in a pair of flip-flops and khaki shorts buying a pack of hot dogs and beer at Costco. People might comment and think about the “무 in her shoe”. But they would be blaspheming.

So - in sum:

1) No stockings and sandals, please. It’s just 촌스러워.
2) Get some attitude, Korean larger-sized sisters! You’re awesome, and you don’t have to resort to hose with heels.

That’s it for now. Back to patrolling!

EE-OO! EE-OO!

“Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Fashion police being dispatched to stall poorly-thought marketing of cheap Korean shoes overseas! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!”

YesAsia.com is a decent site where I sometimes bought Korean music and DVD’s online when I was back home, before coming out to Korea proper. Now, they have opening a new section of their web site – called YesStyle.com – to sell Asian-style (Korean?) clothes and accessories online. Of course, I went to see what shoes (were they really selling the standard agassi pumps that one might see on the streets of Seoul?) they were hawking.

To my surprise, they actually were Korean shoes. Although not exactly my taste, but they were selling some real Korean shoes. Here’s a pair that struck me as particuarly Korean-looking – they were unmistakably from the Land of the Morning Calm.

Worked right, they could be made to go with an outfit or three, and I guess the price of these Korean-style agassi shoes (around $40) wasn’t bad enough to through a hissy fit in protest. That’s not too far what you’d pay for these shoes in a street stall in Myungdong (30,000 won, I’d bet).

But you’re also getting the same infamous poor workmanship of the 20,000 or 30,000 won street-shoe-special. Like a hot top you might buy in the Idae area, the stuff looks good, but won’t look that good for long. With a shirt, after a few wears and washings, you might not be wearing it again.

With these shoes, you might last a few times with the shoes hurting your feet, and they either will or will not end up with a seam coming undone or having to wear a band-aid on your ankle to make it through the day. For better or worse, a sign of cheap shoes and poor choices made by the consumer to buy such shoes in the first place.

However, I can’t speak for the quality of these shoes sold on the site, although the pictures don’t make me feel like they’ll be around long enough to make it through a single season of wear. Take a look at the seams, as well as the decorative parts attached to the front and back of the shoes.

This close-up pictures speaks a thousand words. Does that look like it’ll be on the shoe for long?

I have the distinct feeling that there will be some sole detaching from upper portion after any degree of wear and tear. It just doesn’t look solid.

Besides the fact that the mini-vamp across the top of the shoe looks like it’ll pop off if you stand on your tippy-toes to get something from the top shelf in the grocery store, my real major quibble, my bone to pick with YesStyle – is that the sizes they offer are the most Korean of all, being sold in only the Korean sizes that basically fall in the 6-8 range or so. Several shoes are offered in only one size. Huh? For American feet?

Genius! Selling Korean shoes to American women – but without actually manufacturing them in anything other than the sizes they’re sold at in Korea! It looks like YesStyle is either just catering to Asian American (read Korean American) women who want to stay connected to styles back here on the peninsula while they live overseas, or that YesStyle has simply not made any special effort to actually seriously sell their shoes in America and is just dumping some Korean shoes off in a market to those why happen to be able to fit into them.

If you want to really sell shoes, you have to do the standard 6–10 foot size range you’d find in a physical store, and the 6–12 range you’d find on many Internet sites. I don’t see how they’re going make much a profit with the limited selection of styles, sizes, and apparently low quality of worksmanship.

Basically, these are the Payless Shoes of Korea, but at least Payless Shoes are as durable and well-made as they are cheap. Most of the shoes are less than $20 and won’t detach parts are you’re walking, and are much more comfortable. If you’re gonna go cheap, go reliable and better designed. Here’s a side view of a pump that has a similar feeling to the Korean shoes, but yes, they’re not Korean shoes. And Payless Shoes appear to be available in sizes 5-13 and with varying widths.

Here’s a fabulous Mary Jane-style pump with a great look and sassy patent shine with an interesting (and likely comfortable) wider heel. If you’re in America, why would you hurt your feet with cheap, cheap Korean shoes and not buy a solidly-produced pair from a reputable company for less than half the price? Yes, there’s a definite “look” to the Payless Shoes, but if you pick right and don’t let on that it’s a $17.99 shoe, who’ll notice? I wonder how much could be made selling Payless Shoes in Korea for like $50 each. Hmmmmmm….

EE-AW-EE-AW!

“Calling all cars! Calling all cars! We have a report of a fashion violation taking place in Shinchon. Dispatching vehicles!!”

OK. I hate to sound bitchy or rude, but there are some serious fashion crimes being committed here on the streets of Seoul. As much as women in Korea can be quite the fly, funky dressers – largely due to a nearly scientifically-planned dissemination of outfits and packaged looks in magazines and on the Internet every season – there are some people who make some pretty serious mistakes.

Korean women have one major advantage over many women in societies that have more variety in size and shape in the population. If you compare the United States, between caucasian, Asian, black, and Latino women – for example – you get people with feet tending to cluster around size 6-7 to people who tend to be in the 8-9 or even 10-11 range near the top. Most American women’s shoes run to a size 9 or 10 in a normal run of a shoe style.

By contrast, in Korea, most women are well within the 6-8 range, about 225–250mm at the most. Also, Korean women tend to have similar skin tone, height range, and general clothing sizes – although there are obviously major outliers outside of that normal bell curve.

Now – that being said, all fashion trends don’t fit all women. Certain people look good in pumps, black socks, and a girly top. Certain people wear the exact same thing and just look ridiculous. Now, that’s a body shape issue, which the Fashion Police™ tends to leave alone, because we’re not mean Fashion Sense Enlightenment Officers. However, some people just make mistakes that are the results of bad choices have to do with colors, styles, or other attributes that just don’t match or look right.

And sometimes, there’s no explanation for these things – they’re just…wrong.

The young lady under investigation today – and we don’t do this to be bitchy, but rather to make the world a safer, more fashionable place – has made a choice that continues to irk this officer. The mistake is mostly due to blindly following a fashion trend for the sake of doing so, but not really understand why or how it the elements look good – or bad.

OK – so the perpetrator is going for a girly, casual look, what with the T-shirt, vest, and jeans skirt. The black socks are something I once hated – who wants to look like they’re wearing Dad’s dress socks with heels?! – but have come to accept their charm and Britney Spears-ifying power to bring a bit of demureness and affected innocence to girls wearing miniskirts. I can accept that.

What I cannot understand – what vexes me to the core of my being – is why someone would wear light brown, faux-suede pumps with the black socks, blue jeans, and black and white top. Perhaps I am being more of a fashionista that a humble fashion enlightenment officer, but light brown with black socks?! She would have only done worse had she worn white shoes with that.

I admit, she doesn’t look that bad, but because, as I said, I’ve seen worse. But she clearly has the potential to commit real fashion crimes, which is why we’re just going to let her off with a warning this time.

It may be a look too irritatingly commonplace to laud, but the Britney Wear™ sported by most of young women in Korea who choose to sport it is at least conservatively planned – just connect the dots.

You wear black shoes with that sort of stuff. If you wear brightly-colored shoes, I’d go with colored socks, white socks, and then black, in that general order – blood red, patent pumps could make a nice combination, dearies – but the fuzzy brown pumps against sheer black socks - hmmmm.

Her outfit – although not my personal taste – kinda works, but I think the brown shoes throw it off. Think more about where the shoes fit into the picture, dearie, and dress wisely.

Until next time!

EE-AW-EE-AW!