News Photo 200711 21446 18857 2842자. 우리 한번 솔직하게 얘기를 나누자. 외국인으로써 좀 개관적으로 얘기해볼께. 한국인아니라도 분명히 한국에 대한 관심이 있지. 한국에 대해서 뭐를 알고 있지. 근데 아마 외국인이라 꼭 애들이 막 빠져있는 유행이나 인기 열풍에 내가 빠져있지 않을 수 있는 거야. 그리고 조금 더 객관적으로 한국의 대중문화를 바라볼 수 있는 것같아.

OK, let's talk straight for a minute. And because I'm not Korean, I might have some objectivity on this. I do like Korean popular culture, and know something about it, otherwise I wouldn't be part of this magazine, but I do have an outside perspective that allows me to not get sucked up into trends and "waves" less easily.

그래서 이젠 그냥 얘기해볼께: 원더걸즈는 재능이 없어. 하나도. 에이이. 화를 내지 마. 객관적으로 좀 들어봐봐. 노래 하~나도 못 하며 춤도 진~짜 못 하는 거야. 라이브 쇼를 봤지? 기억나지? 처음에 나왔을 때? 내가 상처 받은 거야. 눈에. 난 무슨 마이클 잭슨의 기준으로 보는 것아니고 한국은 뭐 서태지와아이들 오랫전부터 있었고 그리고 이효리, 보아도 요즘에 나오고. 기본적으로 춤을 출 수 있는 거잖아. 근데 원더걸스 말이야. 무슨 어깨를 동시에 흔들릴 수 있다는 것? 그래서? 난 똥배 나온 아저씬데 할 수 있다야. 그리고 15살이니까…헉. 닭살. 중/고등학생아니고 '섹시하다'고 생각하면 변태인지…일단 학교선생님으로 일하면 안된겠다. 객관적으로 보면. 15살? 가슴도 안생기고 진짜 중1학년생 같잖아.

So, I'm just gonna say it: the Wonder Girls have no talent. None. Oh, come on. Don't get mad. Just think about it objectively for a minute. They can't sing AT ALL and they can't dance to SAVE THEIR LIVES. Do you remember their first live performance of "Tell Me"? It was terrible. Horrible. I'm scarred for life. On my eyes. And not using Michael Jackson or someone as the standard, because Korea has enough good dancers to compare with, from all the way back to Seo Taiji and the Boys to Boa and Lee Hyori. They can at least perform decent dances. But what is all this "shaky shoulder dance" crap? So they wiggle suggestively in sync? Whoa – what a concept. *I* can do that, and I'm in my mid-thirties with a gut. I just have to channel my old Kid-n-Play/MC Hammer moves made in front of the TV, but if you give me a few minutes and the motivation, I CAN do the Wonder Girls dance. And what's with them being 14 Western age? That's just pervy, dude, since the two 14-year-olds LOOK 14. We're not talking Britney at 17 with the tongue-in-cheek schoolgirl video – we're talking Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver with the disturbingly bad makeup job. Eww.

근데 이젠 '영풍'이 됐다고? 왜애애애애? 두산치어리더의 오디션을 떨어지고 지금 어깨를 흔들리는 도움이로 알바하는 일반인도 할 수 있는 춤인데 - 아니, 진짜로 나도 그 춤을 따라할 수 있단 말이야! - 도대체 왜 인기 있는 건가? 한국의 대중문화가 그렇게 재능이 있는 애들이 없는 상태아니잖아. 왜 이래?

But now, we have a Wonder Girls dance "wave"? Nooo. Not another "wave." And for what? Some rejects from an audition for the Doosan cheerleaders now working as street dancers opening a Paris Baguette could do the "Tell Me" dance better than the Wonder Girls. Has Korean pop culture really gotten so bad? There isn't anyone more talented who can be on stage during prime time? This is it?

더욱더 이젠 그 춤같이 않은 춤도 못하는 아나운서도 한 거래. 아~창피하다, 진짜. 한국방송은 이 만큼 아디어 없나? 춤도 못추는 애들의 춤을 못 따라하면서 이게 열풍인가? 혹시 내가 미국인이라 무슨 이해할 수 없는 조크인가? 휴.

And what's more, now we have announcers on variety shows following along to the dance for fun and showing up IN THE NEWS for doing it. Why? Let it die.

문제는 매력이 있는 JYP가 그 춤을 만들었는데 매력이 없는 중/고등학생 사춘기도 다 끝나지 못한 여자들이 하니까.

The real problem is that the flavor-ful JYP, who created this dance and the Wonder Girls, has that dance performed by said Wonder Girls, who are flavor-less and haven't even finished puberty yet. I'm supposed to care about them shaking their ass around? Check out the originator doing it, who is getting on to his 40's and was in his prime in the 90's. And he's a dude. Yet, he still pulls it off better than these "Wonder Girls", who are anything BUT a wonder:

여기는 비의 뉴욕의 공연할 때 비의 쉬는 사간에 짬깐 나온 JYP의 모습. 그리고 JYP는 아저씨잖아.

Here, you get a sampling of JYP's best moves, as performed when Rain was resting in between shows, and which JYP was probably just doing as practice to keep in the game. Now, THIS is someone who can dance:

밑이는 JYP아닌데 그의 춤을 추는 거야. 잘. 일반인인데.

Below, even though it's not JYP, it's his dance, and you can see how it stands on its own, as performed by someone with some skill:

내가 하고 싶은 말이 뭐냐고? 쉽게 말해줄께. 원더걸스는 춤을 못춘다. 그리고 그 춤같이 않은 춤을 똑같이 출려고 하는 사람들이 좀 옷긴 단 말이야. JYP는 그 춤을 만들었는데 JYP의 기준으로 봐야 되는 거아니야? 그리고 한국에서는 노래 적당하게 잘할 수 있고 춤을 출 줄 아는 여자들이 없나? 휴. 안탑깝다.

So, my point? I'll make it simple. The Wonder Girls can't dance. And watching people who can't even perform the dance that even the original stars can't dance right to doesn't do anything for me. And before you say I'm too harsh on the Wonder Girls, let me just say that since JYP made both the dance and THEM, he's the logical standard of comparison. The way it should be, is the girls should have made the dance sexy and their own, while JYP remains funny and charming doing it for fun sometimes on stage. As it is, he's much better than his protegées, who are about as sexy as the middle school girls I see in uniforms walking down the street every day. Eww.

— FMS

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